There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
