You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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