Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't think brook has ever known best
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
