I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
