I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
