I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
