i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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