the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
