On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize