You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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