On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
