If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
