apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You've changed since you got that strap on
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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