i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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