Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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