she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
