Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
