I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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