god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
