my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
