there's paper in my vomit.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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