I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
