I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
