you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
