Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
