Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
