so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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