her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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