she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
