he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
