I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
