I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
