i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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