So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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