ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
