My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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