It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How external is "for external use only"?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
