I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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