I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
