You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
