During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hippo gnu deer
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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