He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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