So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize