i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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