Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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