I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
