When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
