After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We are all done wearing pants today
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
