just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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