the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
