Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
