I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
