Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
