one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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