yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
