i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
