i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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