Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
