i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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