i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
