Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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