Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
