I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
