Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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