You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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