i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
