After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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