we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
