she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
